2021: The Year of Transitions

I was beating myself up for the past couple of days because I was dreading having to write my traditional year-end blog post. Writing this today is already a day late, as I was used to publishing it on the last day of the year, but I figured no one else may care anyway.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And so here comes my end of 2021 blog post, one of the most difficult I have had to write, for one of the - if not the - most difficult and challenging year I have had. 

I lost my Tatay in June of this year, and even after six months I can't say I have grieved completely. Sometimes I am busy with something and suddenly remember, and it's whiplash all over again. I still get crying spells sometimes, and they get triggered by various things. I still can't bring myself to open our text messages and Messenger thread again.

It's uncanny how news of the death of Hollywood legend Betty White somehow gave me comfort today, because of what she said in an old interview.

In a 2012 TimesTalks conversation with New York Times columnist Frank Bruni, White said she found "nothing" difficult about getting older, citing her mother's own optimistic approach to death.

"My mother had a wonderful approach to death," White said. "She always thought of it as — she said, 'We know we have managed to find out almost anything that exists, but nobody knows ... what happens at that moment when it's over.'

She continued: "And she said, 'It's the one secret that we don't know.' So whenever we would lose somebody very close and very dear, she would always say, 'Well, now he knows the secret.' And it took the curse off of it somehow."

Thank you, Betty White. ♡ 

“Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.”
- Paulo Coelho

My Tatay's death felt to me like Comet Dibiasky from the movie Don't Look Up, but the other big things that happened to me deserve to be mentioned as well.

This year I:

• moved out. I started living independently more than ten years ago, but this was the first time I truly felt like I live in an adult apartment
• quit my old job. After another day of working until past 1AM, I threw caution to the wind and sent in my resignation letter even without a new job waiting for me. I figured it was time I say yes to myself.
• proved that big risks offer big rewards. A new job snapped me up right away and I've never been happier and more fulfilled in my professional career.
• learned how to cook and bake. As I said, I started living independently more than ten years ago but I only learned how to cook and bake recently. I started learning in 2020, but my repertoire vastly improved this year. Thanks to my oven and my cooking bestie, my Instant Pot.

I turned 35, yes, but 2021 truly aged me. 

My New Year wishes for myself are better kitchen tools and to be healthy. And a Nintendo Switch OLED.

Hi, friends. Happy New Year to you and yours.