The Hows of Adult Dating

Alternate title: Navigating Relationships Later In Life

Romantic relationships are always complicated; that’s why there are so many songs, movies, and TV shows that focus on the various ways in which they can break down or go wrong. However, it’s fair to say that real-life relationships can be even more complicated and confusing - especially if you are returning to the dating game in later life.

J and I met when we were 29. I wish we could have met earlier, sparing me from heartaches and awful dates, but I guess it was perfect timing as well, since we were both mature enough already to handle our relationship at the same time allowing us space to grow together. Time flies, and we're celebrating our sixth anniversary next month! 

I remember what it was like being single and wishing for someone to love and love me in return. Heck, I was single for seven years before I met J. Love knows no age, though, but we can all use a little help. So with that in mind, here are some tools that can guide you navigate the world of dating when you are a little older than your average single.

Ensure you’re ready to put yourself out there. Whether you have dealt with a terrible breakup, a bereavement, or even a separation or divorce, you mustn’t put yourself out there before you are emotionally ready. While the prospect of a new relationship may seem exciting (especially if you are lacking companionship), you’ll only hurt yourself further down the line by jumping in too soon. Before dating, you might want to ask yourself these questions:

• Am I able to love myself as I am?
• What am I looking for in a relationship?
• What kind of person do I want to date?
• What happens if this relationship does not break down?

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Before heading on a date, it’s okay to feel a little nervous. After all, you’ll want to make a good impression on the person you’re with so that you could potentially see each other again. However, it’s important to remember that some things are beyond our control - and you cannot force a connection with another person. Instead of trying to present yourself as their ideal date - focus on showing them who you really are. Being yourself is the easiest way to make a lasting, genuine connection with another person.

Find new ways to boost your confidence. If you haven’t been part of the romantic scene for a while, you may feel as though you have entered a whole new world (especially when it comes to online dating). However, it’s important to remember that dating is pretty much the same as it has always been - and if you maintain a positive outlook, you have nothing to worry about. Nevertheless, you should find a variety of ways to boost your confidence ahead of time so that you can push away any feelings of stress and anxiety. This can be achieved by:

• Not jumping from one relationship to the next, giving yourself the break you need to get to know yourself and understand your needs.
• Knowing your worth and what you require from a partner. Refusing to compromise your standards.
• Taking steps to improve your physical health, meaning that you will naturally feel healthier and more confident. For example, you could try to complete some workouts at home, using natural supplements to maximize the results. You can find out more about how they work for you here.
• Visiting a life coach, gaining advice on how to naturally boost your confidence and feelings of self-worth. 
• Reciting affirmations in the mirror or as you are getting ready to go out. Focus on things you like about yourself - whether that relates to your sense of humor or your smile.  

Speaking of being a little bit older than your average single, Mina V. Esguerra released a new book this weekend with a 41-year old Main Character, Totally Engaged!

Rose Alban, 41, has been happily living alone and single in Manila. When her entire family moved to the US she became responsible for their house and since then she's transformed it into her home, her sanctuary, and base for a new and more fulfilling career. She was even able to convert the garage into a studio apartment, that she's now renting out to her friend's brother Pascal Cortes, 39, former MBA professor who's now heading operations at an exciting education startup at a nearby business district. 

That's not enough for her mother and well-meaning relatives, who want nothing more than to see her join them in the US by any means necessary. When they surprise her with a visit, Rose knows the only way they'll finally stop plotting to get her a green card is if they see her settled down—so of course she asks the hot prof next door to pretend to be her fiancé.

I love my Kindle Paperwhite so much, but today I downloaded the Kindle app for the iPad and gosh, it made me appreciate the covers so much more! Flexing my copies of the book here on my iPad and Kindle before I reading it tonight. Grab your Kindle copy on Amazon, or contact Mina for a print edition of the book!

If you're still trying to find Love out there,  cliché, I know, but I truly believe things unfold when they are meant to. Good luck!