Aside from being a shopping directory and enabler group, my Animal Crossing group chat with my friends from the blogging community has become an invaluable support group this pandemic. Late last week, Ashley mentioned Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and it was a complete eye opener for me. 

According to WomensHealth, PMDD is a condition similar to PMS that also happens in the week or two before your period starts as hormone levels begin to fall after ovulation. PMDD causes more severe symptoms than PMS, including severe depression, irritability, and tension, and affects up to 5% of women of childbearing age. Symptoms of PMDD include:

• Lasting irritability or anger that may affect other people
• Feelings of sadness or despair, or even thoughts of suicide
• Feelings of tension or anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Mood swings or crying often
• Lack of interest in daily activities and relationships
• Trouble thinking or focusing
• Tiredness or low energy
• Food cravings or binge eating
• Trouble sleeping
• Feeling out of control
• Physical symptoms, such as cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain 

This weekend coincided with the end of my ovulation period as tracked by Clue, the menstrual tracking app I use, and boom, all symptoms happened to me, as they do every month. I just didn't know about it before and chalked everything up to good ol' PMS.

• Lasting irritability or anger that may affect other people - Yes. And then, after it has subsided, I will feel guilty and ashamed and wonder why I let myself be that angry.
• Feelings of sadness or despair, or even thoughts of suicide - Yes. I have never had suicidal thoughts, but this weekend I kept wondering about the sweet relief of death.
• Feelings of tension or anxiety - Yes. Last night I went to bed at 9:30 PM but finally fell asleep at 4 AM, and all that time was spent tossing and turning, overthinking.
• Panic attacks - Yes. My heartbeat started skipping again, but I thought it was GERD again. 
• Mood swings or crying often - I spent the weekend crying. I woke up around noon today and ate lunch while crying. 
• Lack of interest in daily activities and relationships - Yes. I am a serial hobbyist by nature and I can't help but think this might have something to do with it. It has also put a strain on my relationship because of my insistent need to bring up past issues and feel unloved.
• Trouble thinking or focusing - Yes. I tried to read a book but I stopped when I realized I had been rereading the same paragraph for the last five minutes.
• Tiredness or low energy - Yes. I spent the whole day in bed today and didn't even glance at my phone until 3 PM.
• Food cravings or binge eating - Yes.
• Trouble sleeping - Yes. See Feelings of tension or anxiety.
• Feeling out of control - Yes.
• Physical symptoms, such as cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain - Yes. I haven't been able to move my right arm properly since around 4 PM today.

I took pills when I was being treated for my myoma and I remember having terrible mood swings then but this is a completely different level. I have been called emotional and dramatic a lot of times and it hurts because it makes it seem like I am just playing it up. It's so easy for some people to tell me to relax as if it's the last thing I want to do. I did not ask for these internal turmoils. I did not ask for my brain to remind me constantly of all the things that are wrong with me. 

After checking the symptoms above and wondering if you may have it, I suggest booking an appointment with your doctor so you can get proper diagnosis and prescription, if necessary. PMDD is scary and confusing, but there is a solution. These articles also helped me:

• Should Severe Premenstrual Symptoms Be A Mental Disorder?
• PMDD Almost Ruined My Life Before I Found out What It Was
• PMS Vs PMDD: What You Need To Know For Your Monthly Mental Health