Of choices, possibilities, and second chances

Wherever you are in the world today, I hope you had a lovely Christmas with the people you hold most dear. ♥

There must be something in the water air because I know it's just not me - everyone gets reflective as the year draws to a close. As I get ready to say goodbye to 2014 and welcome 2015 (and my new planner/ journal!), I look back on the months that passed and determine which things I'd like to change and things I'd want to remain the same, whether I was able to accomplish the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year, and whether I like this version of myself I am turning out to be.

Earlier today I bought myself this app for the iPhone to jump-start my writing whenever I encounter writer's block. I have about fifty unused notebooks and journals in my room but I have taken to typing my thoughts down on my phone's Notes. I don't know why I am doing this. Convenience? Ease? Undecipherable penmanship? Either way this system works for me, and I figured if I make use of writing prompts I can even have more ideas to blog about (like what I am doing now). Sometimes the (non-suicidal/ non-violent) voices in my head get too noisy that I need one topic to resonate more so I can stick with it, lest I get wayward and not arrive at something cohesive nor coherent.

So. Back to the app. As the name implies, Creative Writing Prompts gives starting lines and writing prompts to help inspire the writer. The first prompt I got is highlighted in bold:

For the last three days I could do nothing but think about choices, possibilities, and second chances.

As what I was jarringly reminded of by my Uncle's passing, life is too short and we're only here for a limited amount of time. If there is anything I regret about Kuya's death, it's that I feel like I didn't tell him enough how much I loved him. Ever since he left, my close-knit family became even tighter, with all of us clutching to one another for support. Hugs and kisses became even more frequent, and no shortage of I love you's was had. I want to make the most out of the time I have left so I say yes to all possibilities, sometimes without even giving myself time to think first before I leap. In the split second of hesitation where doubt starts to creep in, I've had already said yes. This has, admittedly, caused me some trouble as well, but what is life without a little risk?

Meanwhile, recent occurrences also made me rethink my life choices and question whether a second chance is a viable option. I've crashed and burned several times already and truth be told, I'm getting a little tired. Maybe the truth is that I was meant to tread a different path all along? One that leads to the exact same path I used to trudge, but one I sadly and regrettably wandered from? I don't know. I pray I get an answer soon, and I hope it's a yes.

This is a watercolor painting I worked on all Sunday afternoon while watching the first season of How I Met Your Mother for the nth time. For those not familiar with the scene (but WHY?), it's from the finale, where Ted finally meets The Mother at the Farhampton station.

It was a long road. You might even say it was really, really, really long. But difficult? Nah. It was life. Things happen in life. Things fall apart. Things get put back together. When I think how lucky I am to wake up next to your mom every morning, I can't help but be amazed at how easy it all really was. 

All I had to do was get out of the apartment for a couple hours so Uncle Marshall could propose to Aunt Lily, go to the bar, meet your Aunt Robin, convince your Aunt Robin to fall in love with me, break up with your Aunt Robin, go on the rebound, go get a rebound tattoo, go get the rebound tattoo removed, meet Stella, convince Stella to fall in love with me, get engaged, get left at the altar, get fired, get beat up by a goat, get a job as a professor, teach the wrong class, date the wrong girl, date the wrong girl again, date the wrong girl a few times actually, let Uncle Barney fall in love with Aunt Robin, let Aunt Robin fall in love with Uncle Barney, book the wedding band, go to their wedding, make sure their wedding actually happened, leave a little early, be in the right place at the right time, and somehow, summon the guts to do the stupidest, most impossible thing in the world: Walk up to that beautiful girl standing under the yellow umbrella... and start talking. 

See? Easy. And that, kids, is how I met your mother.

(It was so difficult and my skills weren't at par with what I envisioned; I almost gave up, but all efforts paid off when I finally finished it and when Carter Bays, one of the show's creators, called my painting "lovely." LOVELY.)

When you think about it, all of Ted's choices and missteps led to him finding the right girl at the right time. Now I know it's fiction but still. Isn't fiction inspired by life? Am I above thinking things like this don't happen in real life? I don't know, I guess I'm just too much of a hopeless romantic, but I'd like to believe that the same will happen for me. "It's funny how sometimes, you just find things," and I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.

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