I feel like all I've done today was let people down.
Exhibit A: I promised a friend something but due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to take my word back. I told her I'll make it up and I'm sure she understands even though she feels bad, but it still sucked.
Exhibit B: One of my best friends is in the hospital right now because of dengue. I told him the other day that I would come visit today and even asked him what he would like me to bring. He said my presence was enough but of course I still planned to bring him pizza or whatever. Fast forward to today, I couldn't leave the office early because of the work I needed to do, while leaving at a later time would result to me being trapped in commuter's hell (read: the MRT during rush hour). I called him to say I will make it up this weekend and buy him all the pizza he can eat. He assured me that he understands, but it still sucked.
I've been feeling crappy these past few days and I guess that's evident by the lack of posts here. I peruse blogs for a living and I find myself being turned off by those filled with endless rants and complaints so unless it's absolutely necessary, I try to keep things here as light as possible. Then again, I can't let too much time pass before I write something here again because... I don't know, I just can't.
I'm having an aversion to routine.
Routine brings order. Routine is nice. Routine is comforting. But I can't help but feel like a hamster on a wheel --- spinning and spinning, running round and round, thinking it has gotten somewhere far, when in reality it has gone nowhere. It's restricting, it's frustrating.
I have an inherent tiredness that cannot be remedied by sleep alone. But in the end, optimism always wins: optimism that something will change, optimism that something monumental will happen.
I'm having an aversion to routine.
Routine brings order. Routine is nice. Routine is comforting. But I can't help but feel like a hamster on a wheel --- spinning and spinning, running round and round, thinking it has gotten somewhere far, when in reality it has gone nowhere. It's restricting, it's frustrating.
I have an inherent tiredness that cannot be remedied by sleep alone. But in the end, optimism always wins: optimism that something will change, optimism that something monumental will happen.
Optimism can't stop me from feeling horrible and awful and sad though, so today I turned to something I can control. I got a haircut, because you never know how much a few snips here and there can bring.
I've been meaning to have my hair cut for a couple of weeks now. I love my pixie cut but I wanted something new; I wanted to grow my hair again so I needed to have it cut in such a way that it won't look bad while I'm growing it out. My favorite hairstylist is in TriNoma but I don't know when I can go there again so I opted for a salon in Greenbelt instead.
I still feel sucky, but at least my head feels a lot lighter now.
I've been meaning to have my hair cut for a couple of weeks now. I love my pixie cut but I wanted something new; I wanted to grow my hair again so I needed to have it cut in such a way that it won't look bad while I'm growing it out. My favorite hairstylist is in TriNoma but I don't know when I can go there again so I opted for a salon in Greenbelt instead.
I still feel sucky, but at least my head feels a lot lighter now.
Gen! I was wondering where you were because I couldn't find your blog from your old link anymore. Thank you, thank you, that really means a lot. :) And thanks, I like the new haircut, too!
ReplyDeleteYou look great :) I can relate to feeling inadequate when we let our friends down, even if they understand. In the end, I just try to appreciate them more for being so understanding and yeah, I make major bawi, hahaha! It makes both of us feel better :)
ReplyDeleteYes, I'm sure they understand, but letting people down is one of my least favorite things to do. :/
ReplyDeleteYour hair suits you! :) I think it's nice how you are still able to be optimistic despite everything. When I feel really down, I seriously put on the baddest red lippie I have and it's the ultimate pick me up because it makes me feel in control! hehe
ReplyDeleteI hope feel better, there are always better days ahead of you. :)
Must be because my domain expired. Hehe. :)
ReplyDeleteYes! I'm glad you're back! :)
ReplyDeleteLipsticks are great pick-me-uppers, too! They're my favorite makeup product and I believe in their power to take someone out of the deepest rut. It's just that the past week was particularly brutal that no amount of lipstick application was enough. :D Everything's okay now, though! Thanks, Maxine! Hoping for the best for you, too! :)
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