For Ned Vizzini.

I am currently reading It's Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini. I am not even halfway through it but it is affecting me more than I think it should.

In a nutshell, It's Kind of a Funny Story is about a teenager named Craig Gilner who battles with suicidal depression. It's written in the first person point of view so you get an insight into Craig's everyday struggles with himself. It's a little longer than the books I have read recently but it's acceptable because the pacing is not that slow and the dialogues are snappy. For a depressed kid, Craig is actually pretty funny.

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The real horror comes if like me, you also read up on the author's life and see what he or she is currently up to, and you learn that the story is actually based on Ned Vizzini's own struggles with depression. The real horror comes when you find out that Ned killed himself just last December. He was 32.

I didn't know him personally - I know he has written other books but it's the first one of his that I picked up - and I am not one to judge other people's choices in life but it seriously felt like all air left me when I found out about it. So now when I read about Craig's regular battles with himself, I imagine this must have been exactly what Ned went through or was going through. 

These days, I don't really feel sad, but I feel mostly hollow. I don't think I am depressed, no, but, do you know that feeling? That feeling when you're not necessarily sad, but you just feel really empty.

I need change.

Also, I need to finish this book because I want to find out what happens to Craig. Real life may not have been kind to Ned, but I'd like to believe something good happens to his fictional characters in the end. 

May Ned's soul rest in peace.