My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly.

I almost never check my Globe phone these days because I will have the line disconnected soon and just use my Smart number instead, so this afternoon I was quite surprised when I saw three missed calls from my friend Marsha. I thought something was amiss. When I finally got to talk to her, she asked where I was, and when I said I was still at work, she said she will call back. I was adamant though and wanted to find the reason for her call since it sounded quite urgent.

"Kristel..."

"Bakit?"

Silence.

"Bakit? ...Bakit? WHAT HAPPENED?!"

It was the longest two seconds of my life, but even then I felt I already knew what she was about to say.

"Wala na si Poly."

And it felt like the floor gave way underneath my feet.

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly who lovingly calls me Krissybeb passed away this morning, and I just... I still can't believe how a cruel sickness can take such a beautiful, kind, gentle person this way.

Our friend Mich and I have been meaning to visit her in their house in Laguna for weeks now but we didn't get to because it was either she had to undergo treatment, or she felt too sick to have guests over. Now we will never get the chance to see her smile again, or hear her voice, or laugh with her, and you can just imagine how much it breaks my heart.

I am so sad and heartbroken and sad and sad and sad.

That's the thing about pain... it demands to be felt.*

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly, I will never forget all the life lessons you shared with me, the bonding moments we had over food and shoes, the super cheap clothes we got from our "magical place", the cheesy rom-coms and pretty nail polish bottles, and the many number of random days we spent just hanging out together with Mich. When I get tired, I will remember your zest for life and how you continuously and bravely fought, and how you never questioned the unfairness of it all. When I feel ungrateful, I will remember how thankful you were of every little blessing given you. When I get impatient about my search for The One, I will remember the day you got married and how I thought it was the best wedding I've ever witnessed, and how I wished to find the same kind of love someday. When I feel resentful and whiny, I will remember you. I will never forget you.

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly, I will probably never understand why you were taken from us so early, when I still want to spend more bonding moments with you. I feel like there are still a LOT of things we can do together, you know? It's just that I can't help feeling... cheated. But I know you are in a better place right now, spared from all the physical pain. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and I am thankful to have been given the chance to know you and be your friend. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.*

We have lots of photos together, but I wish we took more. 

From the day we first ate out together with Mich
We went to Banapple in Katipunan, then to Tiendesitas.
It was the first of many, many fun roadtrips and the start of our beautiful friendship.

A day in November 2011 at Cafe Breton in Technohub.
You and Mich shared a chicken sandwich, I had crepes with Nutella, chopped almonds and chocolate syrup.
You borrowed my cherry-print scarf and wore it like I wore mine.

April 22, 2012 in Room 514 of Makati Med
We've had tears running out our eyes before because of laughing too much, but never have I seen you so radiant and happy as the day you married the love of your life.

I love you, Polybeb. I will never forget you.

Special thanks to Ana, Aisa and Sarah for giving me the perfect emotional support earlier.

*quoted from John Green's The Fault in Our Stars, just because I can go on and on with this post, but I can never put into words how I really feel.