When you call out and no one hears.

Maybe it's the feeling of exhaustion that has started to creep over me. Maybe it's the state of paranoia and disillusionment that I seem to find myself in. Maybe it's just frustration that has been bottled up for so long. Or maybe I just want to see a movie or talk to someone to assure me I am not going crazy.

This past week I have made constant invites to friends I haven't talked to in person for so long, just to keep in touch and somehow unload something that I know only they can help me with. And just last Thursday, I asked three different individuals (my closest friends, really, one of whom is my best friend) to see Despicable Me with me because a).I haven't seen a movie at the cinemas for about three weeks now, b). people have been gushing about it endlessly, and c). I really wanted to see it. I would have gone alone, but I figured it would be more fun to watch this type of movie with someone else. Alas, not one wants to is available to go with me.

Everyone is too busy for me. Or they are bored with me already.

I know I could not and should not expect everyone else to be there for me all the time. The world does not revolve around me, anyway. I just could not help wishing that, hopefully, if in case I need them, my friends will be there.

I don't know. Maybe, as an ex-flame once said, I'm just being too childish.

But I am, to the point of physical exhaustion and much cost to my monthly budget, already spreading myself too thin trying to be there for my friends. I am not saying I am advocating self-sacrifice to the point of self-harm, but personally, I have gone to great lengths to be there for a friend. Even when it's inconvenient. Even when it's not easy. Is it too wrong to ask them to do the same, even if just a little? All I need is a few hours... It's not like I am getting their whole day away from them.

I am going to watch Despicable Me this week and I don't and won't care if someone watches it with me or not.

Staring at this pretty chandelier to calm my spirit.
Photo taken and post-processed by me.

*Sorry, I just had to vent. Regular blogging resumes tomorrow as I tell you about this new Chinese restaurant in Manila.