First of all I would like to thank you all for your sweet comments and touching e-mails as a response to my previous post. Rick is right, there are a lot of people all over the world who cares for me. Thank you for cheering me up at a time when I really need it. My heart is still not in her perfect pink, glittering state, but at least she's not a black hole anymore. Thank you for making me feel I am not alone. Special mention also goes to my friends from the office Mich and Marsha. I thank God I have you as my friends. :)

Today's post is also about friendship.

Let me borrow Sylvia Plath's words, "I've got to admire someone to really like them deeply - to value them as friends." I place high value to my friends and if I consider you one, then rest assured that I will be a great friend to you. If I like you, I really really like you and I can gush all day about how much I appreciate you. On the other hand, if I don't like you (or you did something to me that made me lose my trust in you) then I won't stress myself in trying to foster a healthy relationship with you. The way I see it, it's better to ignore you than to pretend to be your friend and then launch a tirade against you when you're not there. I am not one to act all nice in front of you, then spread nasty things about you when you're not around.

A little bit something about how I relate to people around me: I've always been a transparent person who proudly and admittedly wears her heart on her sleeve. My emotions are very easy to read. I am emotional and sensitive, to a fault. As what Marsha and I have talked about last night, displaying a poker face is something both she and I cannot do. If I am upset about something, I am visibly upset due to my inner debate whether to tell the offending person or not. And yes, I end up telling him/ her that what he/ she did made me upset (in a nice and tactful way, of course). We talk about it, deal with it, and move on, like mature adults. As much as possible I try to get everything out in the open so the offense will not be repeated and we can all move on.

Because I am like this, I naively expected other people would treat me the same way. If I did something wrong or anything  that upset any of my friends, I would want them to tell me directly, in private, so I can do something about it. I am not perfect and I can be really stubborn sometimes, so when that happens I would prefer a telling off and a smack in the head than a stab at the back. Sadly, others take the cowardly way out and hide behind status updates in social networking sites. Ironic that I am posting it here instead of talking it out with the person, yes? Honestly I don't know how I am going to deal with it as I am still too upset to talk with the person.

I am not going to lie, it hurt and it made me really upset (and all this when I was just beginning to be cheered up again after my depressing post last week).  Doubly more so when I saw the person the next day, looking really happy to see me. When that happens, what do you believe? It's not so much as the words that were said as the pain of the "betrayal" I felt. Now I don't know how long the person's been holding a grudge against me, or if I have done anything else that made the person act this way towards me. I know that we can't really please everyone and someone is bound to not like us, but the way I learned of this, I felt like I was bitch-slapped. Twice.

What I learned from this "surprise"? I learned to value my true and real friends even more.

... you know, because my heart feels hollow yet it hurts so bad it's impossible to ignore.

What follows is a very personal post.

I know I've said before that I am one of the most optimistic and positive people I know that I can even pass as poster girl for Tinkerbell's mantra think happy thoughts. However, I think I might have already exhausted my reservoir of happy thoughts. I refuse to indulge in retail therapy as the satisfaction I get from it is just fleeting and I will just most probably end up feeling worse because of regret due to overspending on things I don't really need. I have tried to divert my attention and focus on other things but at the back of my mind and in the deepest part of my heart, I know it's not going away. Heck I even watched Shrek Forever After (in 3D!) but the feeling still lingers. I have dismissed these feelings as PMS but I think this goes deeper. I have always been a crybaby who easily tears up at the smallest, cheesiest, most mundane things, but now my tear ducts seemed to have organized a competition between them to see who can produce the most tears at the most random moment. I could be eating lunch, I could be watching a stupid Youtube video, or I could be at work, reading a boring article about a celebrity in The Daily Mail and before I knew it tears have begun to fall. My tear ducts suck.

What used to be my pink, glittering heart has become a black hole, sucking all the energy and life and dreams out of me.

This is the first time I am admitting this in public, and you know this takes every ounce of my courage: I feel like I am a failure. When I was still studying, I was star of the class. I was popular, I was sent to all sorts of cool seminars and conventions to represent my school/ university (and I even got to represent the Philippines at a youth camp in Singapore back in 2004). I was praised by my teachers/ professors and I was adored by my peers, I was on top of my game. Fast forward to 2010, I feel trapped in a job wherein I couldn't be happier with my officemates but every time I go to work I feel like a cluster of my brain cells die I am not living up to my full potentials. I want to go out there and go after my dreams, but I don't know where to find the courage to start trying. I feel weak and defeated. I've lost my muchness. I let someone who really loved me go away and risked getting my heart trampled and stamped on by someone whose feelings he and I weren't sure of. I did get my heart trampled and stamped on, all right. But before this trampling and stamping on incident, I felt genuinely, utterly, head-over-heels happy. Better to be head-over-heels happy  or downright miserable than to be just okay, right? I know that's right, but even knowing that fact couldn't comfort me in these dark times.

I am currently on the first few chapters of Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat, Pray, Love and I can identify with her stories that I end up crying after almost every anecdote: her divorce (umm, I've never been married but I also did have to end a long relationship with someone I thought I would be happy forever with), her on-and-off relationship with David (in my case it's another person whose name also starts with the letter D, but now we have completely ended things, for good), and how she wanted and needed to escape. It's like I am reading the words my heart wanted to say.

I really do wish this is just PMS.

Are you there God? It's me, Krissy.

We all have our own best feature - and by feature I mean the physical aspect. Yeah sure we all have something we are insecure about but you have to admit there is still something that you are really proud of because you know it makes you look good. It's not vanity, it's a fact.

I am not too proud to admit I also have body issues. I can go on and on about wanting to gain a little weight but deep down (if I'm really honest with myself) I am thankful I have a fast metabolism. I have long since accepted that due to genetics, my eyesight has failed me at a very young age so unless I decide to wear contact lenses then I would have to resort to wearing my glasses (good thing they look chic :D). I would like to be taller but meh, nothing that a sexy pair of stilettos can't fix. Almost every day is a bad hair day but a deep conditioning treatment always does the trick I'm going to stop right now before I find every single flaw in my body. It's a good thing I do not have a low self esteem or else I would have pulled a Heidi Montag already (not that I can afford it) XD.

One thing that I am very proud of is my smile. Why? Because I have dimples.

I know that technically they're a genetic abnormality, but I don't care. I know they add a lot of pizzazz and a little bit more cheer in my smiles. :)

I wasn't too proud of my smiles before, though. You see, when I was young, I had ugly teeth. And by ugly I don't mean damaged teeth. My teeth were very misaligned and I had a terrible case of underbite. My top left lateral incisor also used to hide between my top left central incisor and top left canine, and when I spoke, my upper teeth seemed to disappear. It was a horrible time of my life I wouldn't want to go back to as I got teased a lot by my classmates.

Come first year high school, my Mom decided to get me braces. Yep, I was a metalmouth for about four years. I suffered the pain of having them adjusted and having my two impacted wisdom teeth surgically removed, it was okay as I knew my teeth would look so much better.

After my braces were removed, it was time for retainers. My upper retainers can be removed whenever I eat.

When I no longer had to wear them, I felt free and pretty. Finally, I wouldn't have to hide my teeth again! I can now smile all I want! Take that, you classmates who used to tease me about my "disappearing" teeth before!

My long bout with the orthodontist made me obsessed with my teeth. Surely I wouldn't want all those years (and pain) wasted for nothing, would I? Whenever I get those weird dreams where I lose all my teeth, I wake up with a start, gingerly feeling my tongue around my mouth to ensure I did not really lose a tooth.

Lately though, I noticed that a small gap has begun to appear between my bottom left canine and bottom left incisor as my mandible has developed (because of age). My teeth are also getting misaligned again!

My orthodontist has already migrated abroad so I cannot see him for consultation. Another option of course is to see another orthodontist but I guess I would have to wait until I get enough money next month. I think I need to have braces again and the treatment does not come cheap in this country. In the meantime, wish my pearly whites good luck? I mean, I don't want to go back to hiding my teeth in photos again XD

Hello everyone! Did you all notice anything new? Uh huh, that's right, I've had a blog makeover! I have decided to make it look more minimalist and clutter-free so I deleted most of the widgets. I have noticed the page loads faster and it looks easier on the eyes. I hope you all like the change. :)

I was in a phone conversation with Dewi - one of my friends from college - last week when she commented how all these bad things are happening to me when all I wanted was to make 2010 the best year evarrr. If you haven't read my previous post, allow me to quote myself. I wrote that "my world was most recently thrown into chaos by a series of unfortunate events (ie. a heartbreak, moving out from the apartment I have grown to love, and being robbed)." Add to that the skin allergy I had and you've got a winner for Best Loser for the First Half of the Year. Seriously, these bad stuff has got to stop. I am summoning all the positive, good vibes to come help me, please pretty please.

Nothing like a good dose of fun with girl friends and a hefty serving of a romantic comedy to shake a girl from a stupor.

Trying to restore order and balance in my world that was most recently thrown into chaos by a series of unfortunate events (ie. a heartbreak, moving out from the apartment I have grown to love, and being robbed), I went to the mall to meet up with my good friend and officemate Mich (who is in a long vacation from work) and Poly (who is a former teammate who got promoted and transfered to another department).

We ate at (where else but my favorite) Bigoli as Poly hasn't tried eating there before. As expected, she loved it :) How I wish I can fly my international blog friends here so I can let you experience my favorite Italian Chicken with rice!

After eating, we went around the mall and I saw a super pretty wallet at e.g.g. Forgive my pathetic wallet-less existence but ever since my wallet got stolen, I haven't bought a new one yet. Take a peek into my bag and see paper bills and coins scattered around x_x I really wanted to buy it then and there but it was a little too pricey for my taste. I had to practice ultra self-restraint to stop myself from buying it as I am saving up for a new camera as my three-month old digital camera got stolen with my bag x_x Our Family Day will be at the 29th so I really have to have a camera by then. I also saw a pretty headband but nope. Camera first, headband later.

After torturing myself seeing pretty things waiting to be bought but would have to be resisted, we watched a movie. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon so no high-brow philosophical movies, please. We wanted something light and funny, so yeah, we saw a very cheesy Filipino romantic comedy.

Yes, Filipino movie producers just looove using popular songs as movie titles. Quite a good tactic, as they have an instant theme song already. Ask my friends, I am actually not a fan of Filipino rom-coms (but my favorite one is Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw) but I felt I wanted to watch this one. It baffles me as well! :D

You to Me are Everything is a no-brainer movie about a rich-turned-poor egotistical boy who changes his life for the better when he meets poor-turned-super duper naive rich girl who has a pet pig named Snowy. For my international readers, the lead actors Dingdong Dantes and Marian Rivera are a couple in real life and their chemistry just oozes out of the screen and into the viewers. I wouldn't mind some of that chemistry, really. There were lots of LOL moments, and Snowy is just sooo cute! It's no (500) Days of Summer, but I still think it was a nice movie. Plus points for the catchy song! Watching it with Mich and Poly actually made it more enjoyable for me as we laughed at and mimicked some of the super cheesy dialogues we don't really use on normal conversations :D

Sigh. If there's anything rom-coms can do, it is that they can prove I am not a bitterball, even when I don't have a romantic comedy of my own to boast. Sigh. I am excited to fall in love again. :) What is your favorite romantic comedy?

Note: Some people asked how I fell out the jeep. Simple, really. I was surprised when the man suddenly snatched my bag and my first instinct was to try to wrestle it back. Being 86lbs of skin, bones, and awesome, it was too easy for me to be dragged. So yeah, that's how I fell and sustained my injuries. I had my arm checked already though, no broken bones (yay!) except for some swelling and bruises.

First of all I would like to thank the well-wishers in my previous post where I told you of how I got robbed yesterday. I feel much better now as compared to yesterday where I felt visibly shaken. Unfortunately, my wounds haven't healed yet and I cringe in pain every time our office nurse cleans and dresses it. More injuries have also just started to show when I woke up this morning: I have a big bruise in my right knee and the right part of my nape and my right arm are swelling. I also feel great pain whenever I try to move them. I  cannot straighten my right arm and I fear I might have broken it when I fell from the jeepney. I'd better go and have it checked but my health card was also stolen so I might have to pay for a private doctor. Today is pay day and since my ATM card was stolen as well I had to withdraw over the counter and pay 300php for a replacement card. Such a big hassle, especially as I still have to have a notarized affidavit of loss in order for my work ID card to be replaced x_x

I cannot say I have been traumatized that much; it helped that I wasn't threatened with any weapons or harmed physically by the perpetrators. I hated sleeping yesterday as I see the event replay over and over again in my head every time I close my eyes, but now, whenever the thought crosses my mind, I feel more and more detached from it. Now, whenever I recount the story to other people, I feel like it happened to another person and not me.

My Facebook status update telling about what happened to me generated more than 30 comments, and most of them said I should have left my gadgets at home. It's a sad, sad world we live in when we cannot even bring the things we have toiled for just because we fear they will get stolen from us. 

Past is past and we shouldn't dwell on it too much. As I said, they're just stuff that can be replaced. Today, that is just what I did. I went to the mall after withdrawing my salary over the counter at the branch and got myself a new phone. I bought just a very basic one, though. I got a Nokia 2220 since I would be using it just for texting and calling for the meantime while I am saving up for another phone and a new digital camera. Thanks to Globe, I was able to request to use the same number again. So people, text me your numbers! :D

Forgive my being camera-less. Today I relied on my netbook's webcam.

I have heard a lot of raves about the book so I picked it up, hoping for some inspiration. Lord knows how much I need guidance these days. All I wanted was to have an awesome year but these things just seem to pop out of nowhere, shaking my belief in what Paulo Coelho said, that "if you really want something, the universe conspires in helping you achieve it."

Dear Universe, I really need and want your help now.

PS: I wanted to show you my wounds but I am worried you might be squeamish about seeing them. :)

As was my custom during Thursdays (since I come from my parents' house after my Tuesday-Wednesday rest days), I rode a Public Utility Jeep to Monumento (where I will then ride a cab to work) this morning. I wore a black fitted V-neck shirt, jeans, and black strappy heels. Accessorized with a sparkly black headband, mini metallic hoop earrings, a white wristwatch and my silver handcuff necklace, I felt like such a badass sexy chick.

I was still feeling sleepy (blame my 5am work schedule). As was my custom as well, I put on my headphones and listened to the songs in my phone. When the song "The Blower's Daughter" came up, my mind wandered to a post Nikolett has written about an assignment they had where they had to write about their "Perfect Funeral". I have always thought the song is a perfect funeral song so I started imagining how I would like my funeral to be. Morbid much? The jeep trawled on and since it was still very early, there was only one other lady passenger with me. When the jeep stopped at the area between Letre and Sangandaan, I was surprised when a man suddenly attempted to snatch my bag from me. I had the straps of my bag on my shoulders (and instinct came over, I don't know) so there was a struggle between us. He kept on pulling my bag from me while the jeepney driver just sat there looking shocked. I sustained two deep wounds on my left elbow and waist when I fell out of the jeepney trying to wrestle my bag from the thief. Not so badass sexy chick anymore, eh? I hit my face on the pavement and I am soooo thankful I did not get wounds on my face nor lost any of my teeth. (God knows if that happened I would have chased them 'til kingdom come.) Thank God as well that the driver on the next vehicle was able to stop or I would have been hit x_x

My pretty plum bag contained my two phones, my digital camera, pens, some makeup items (that cannot fit in my makeup kit anymore), wallet with my IDs, cards and at least 8,000php in cash. My wallet and makeup kit fell from my bag when he ran away and I was able to get them, but my wallet was snatched again by yet another person. So yeah. two thieves ran away with my stuff.

The jeepney driver transfered me to another jeep so I can go back home. I was shaking so bad that my parents were distressed as well and made me drink cold water. They were sorry about the loss of my stuff but I just reiterated that they were just stuff that can be replaced. Honestly, it wasn't so hard for me as I lost much, much more before when we lost our house and all our belongings to a big fire nine years ago.

I cancelled my ATM card (good thing our salary will credit our accounts tonight). I am actually here at the office but I did not go to work anymore. I just talked with my manager and requested for a new ID. It's not so much as the loss of the items as the big hassle I will have trying to replace them. Later I will go to the bank to request for a new ATM card, then go to the phone company to request for the same number. Tomorrow I will buy a cheap phone. The digital camera would have to wait :(

So, forgive me for the next few picture-less posts, y'all.

Be safe.

The day I have been dreading has arrived. As you might have read from my previous posts, our lease runs out today and my housemate Asther decided to just look for another apartment with her brother so I am left without a house and a housemate. I had no other choice but to leave the apartment I have already grown to love *sniff*. I think I cried three(?) times yesterday. It was so sad :(

I realize I haven't fully shown you my apartment, so for a little show-and-tell and for the sake of posterity, here are some snaps of my apartment-no-more:

My officemate Marsha offered to be my new housemate so yay, that dilemma is already solved. I left some of my stuff at her house since I would be staying there temporarily until the end of May while we are looking for a new apartment.

Parting is such sweet sorrow. Hopefully Marsha and I will find a new apartment and move by the first week of June.

How's your packing going, Ejannz? :D

Yesterday, I fulfilled my duty to my country and exercised my right to vote.

on my way home from the office

wearing my five.ten.ten shirt and my handcuff necklace

can you say poster overload?

my heart weeps for the amount of trash this will result to

IMO, good platforms will forward a candidate's campaign, not these posters

Monumento is forever afflicted with traffic jams, but not today

I got inked!

See the indelible ink in my right index finger? :)

My family has already voted earlier in the morning, so my Papa just accompanied me to the polling booths. Unlike other people who waited in line for more than three hours, I cast my vote in less than ten minutes. I am loving this automated election. Sign of progress, indeed!

Results are now being counted, and I am afraid my bet is not going to win. It kinda sucks since I really believe he can bring positive change to the country but it is what the majority has decided. It sucks as well that people who've been in the position for years but haven't done anything led the polls again. Filipinos, haven't you learned anything from the past years we've been in this state? How can our country progress when we keep on giving the position to the same people, over and over again? Yes, I am talking about celebrity-turned-non-competent-politicians. What has one senator done aside from being in the forefront of a big scandal between a sexy starlet and a doctor-with-a-nasty fetish last year? Sigh. I can complain on and on, but I don't think these rants will be heard as some people even told me there's no hope for the Philippines anymore, that's why they did not vote :( I will just do my part as a good Filipino: pay my taxes (and hope it wouldn't just line the pockets of fat, greedy politicians), obey the law, and uphold my love for my nation. I don't want to be complacent and adopt an "It is what it is" attitude. If there's one thing I hope I can do, it is to inspire change in others - even in my own little way.

I cannot think of a good way to segue into this topic so pretend this italicized part is my witty segue. Last night, my best friends from high school and I went into the wake of our Math teacher, Miss Noli Carbonell. She died from a heatstroke. It is amazing how many of her former students turned up. It also feels good that we graduated from high school in 2003 yet our former teachers still remember us. Thank you for tirelessly imparting your knowledge in numbers to us, Teacher Noli. Rest in peace, and may the Lord and Mama Mary welcome you into His loving arms.

you already know Dianne, Third, Niel and Neil

the guy at the back is Ric

we've been friends since second grade! :D

talk about bad skills in photography

the background is a newly-constructed fountain that welcomes people to my city - Navotas

They wanted to drink but because of the Liquor Ban (due to the elections) we cannot find a store selling alcohol. We went to Dianne's house where we talked and exchanged stories until 1am (where I may or may not have fallen asleep :D).

Today a herculean task awaits me: packing. I am here at my parents' house but will be leaving in a while to go to the apartment and sort and pack my stuff. Our lease runs out on Thursday so I have to lug all my stuff until tomorrow. The realization that we will be leaving the apartment where I have lots of precious memories in struck me just yesterday and I burst out crying at the office. It was embarrassing, really.  

a small percentage of my books.

You can see lots of Movie Companions and books about movies, fantasy and mythology. I love those.

Also, Batman is awesome.

Aaaah packing, where do I even begin?

This is one activity I am really not looking forward to. In my future quest to sort through my mountain of stuff, I imagine lots of regrets and realizations like "I shouldn't have bought this and that." (Hmmm, how about a garage sale after I have sorted everything? lol) I would very much prefer to just sit in my lazy backside and surf the Internet for the whole day (I do recognize that it kinda defeats the intent of my patriotic speech at the beginning of this post, I apologize) but a girl's gotta do what a girl-with-too-many-shoes-and-bags-and-clothes-and-books-and-DVDs' gotta do. See you later!

A mother understands what a child does not say. - Jewish Proverb

To my Mama, Happy Mother's Day! Words are not enough to tell you how grateful I am that God made me your daughter. Thank you for your unconditional love and unwavering support. Thank you for the thick, black hair genes. Thank you for sending me to the schools I've been to, causing me to meet the awesome people I've met. Thank you for the shopping trips and the haggling tips. Thank you for waking up very early to prepare my breakfast when I was still studying, and even now that I am already working. Thank you for cooking my favorites whenever I go home on my rest days. And even though I know it was hard for you, thank you for letting me rent my own place so I can learn how to stand on my own two high-heeled feet. These are just some of the things I am thankful to you for, and I can exhaust all the words in my vocabulary, but they still will not be enough to tell you how much I love you. I love you Ma. :)

Tomorrow, Filipinos will take to the polling booths to decide the future of the Philippines for at least the next six years. (Click here for the National Candidates' Profiles.) I am not proud to say that this election is filled with too many controversies and lots of mudslinging on the candidates' parts. Hopefully we will have a peaceful and honest election tomorrow.

I was over the fence for quite a while but I finally decided who to vote for this weekend. I go for Dick Gordon! I have actually liked him from when I was still young and he was still running for a Senatorial position. I believe in his platforms and his plans for the Philippines. He is competent, intelligent, and genuinely nice. Whoever the majority of the nation will choose though, I hope that he would be able to lead us well and restore the country to its former glory and erase the government's bad reputation as one of the most corrupt in the world.

To my fellow Filipinos, please take the time tonight to really decide on who your heart, mind and conscience are telling you to vote for. More than anyone else, you are voting not only for yourselves, but your future and future child/ren as well.

I'll share with you a not-so-secret: one of the things in my Bucket List is to get super drunk. What a thing to aspire for, right? Before you shake your heads in disgust, please know that I do not really drink. During get-togethers with friends, while they were gulping shots after shots of alcohol, I would be in a corner, sipping my Coke or fruit juice while still contributing stories. And then after a few hours, while they were in the toilet, retching out that day's dinner and what-have-you, I will be patting their backs, offering words of comfort and moral support, all the while shaking my head and vowing that will never happen to me.

Never say never. Now that I am in my 20s, I realized I would want to experience what it's like, just once. I want to see for myself what it feels like, just to know why other people want to experience it all the time. I have to make sure that I will be doing it when I am with people I trust though. It almost happened last year when we had a team building at my previous apartment, using one of my teammate's heartbreak as a reason for drinking. I amused them with my drunken state, but I did not get the exact effect I was hoping for as I fell asleep after the 7th glass. 

Last Tuesday we had a team building at Sasha's house. It was actually planned spontaneously unlike the previous team buildings we had. The reason? Well you see, when awesome people are in a team, sometimes one's awesomeness clashes with another person's. Issues arise, some feelings get hurt, and some intentions get misinterpreted. For my team, one of the best ways to sort it out is over some drinks.

(Please note that I am not glorifying alcohol in any way, I am just sharing an experience.) Since I am not a big fan of beer, I suggested that we drink orange laced with vodka since that concoction did not affect me very much when Dane mixed it on our Tranche's anniversary. 

I'll let the pictures do much of the talking :)

I remember feeling very giddy, and was super giggly that night. I looked like an insanely flirt woman, batting my eyelashes behind my eyeglasses :D No hang-overs though, I even woke up at 5:30am the next day. I'm awesome! :D I was not able to cross off that one item in my Bucket List, but I'm still happy since we were able to iron out the kinks in the team. After all, this might be our last team building together as some people are thinking of transferring to another department. Personally I would not want that to happen, but I cannot stop them from pursuing what they really want. As an awesome teammate, I guess I would just have to support them. :)

Hmm, I wonder when I can cross this item off? :D