I am happy to say that my heart is feeling a lot better these days. I still get sad occasionally and I think that's pretty normal, but I must say I am coping well. I must admit there are times I miss him terribly especially now that I am PMS-ing but I've learned to rein myself in and not let my emotions get the better of me.

A couple of days ago, my officemate and very good friend Mich sent me this and I thought I just had to share it with you. If anyone is going through the same situation and reads this by chance, then I am offering you a virtual hug. I promise you, we can get through this. Just like what Tom did when he got over Summer after being miserable for so long.

that scene in the bottom pane where Tom's eyes reflect the hurt he felt when Summer said "I woke up one morning and I just knew, what I was never sure of with you" breaks my heart every time I watch (500) Days of Summer

Let it be said though that I am not an expert on the topic. Heck I am still mourning the end of what I thought was a perfect love story, but I am hoping that posting this and letting this out in the open is one of the many steps I need for complete healing and a renewed self-discovery.

(Note: She just sent me the list. The additional notes after each item on the list is written by me.)

Every Girl's Guide to Heartache:

Because getting over a breakup can be messy

1. Find comfort in your family.

And friends. I have been spending my rest days and vacation leaves either holed up here in my parents' house or out with friends. My social life was all abuzz this month as I spent lots of times hanging out with friends. I really do appreciate being around them since I forget I was supposed to be hurting. 

Last Saturday I went to one of my best friends from high school Dianne's house for a mini reunion. I was not able to go with them when they went swimming last week because of my skin allergy so I took a rain check instead. Not everyone was able to come to this mini reunion though as work always(!) gets in the way.

I've known these people since we were eight years old!

from left to right: Third, Dianne (who is the mom of my godchild Kaylee), me and Neil

I've known her since we were four years old! We were classmates way back in Nursery :)

Niel using my netbook Lady Fabrize

You know I don't drink, right? Well, for some good-spirited fun they made me drink orange juice laced with vodka. I fell asleep after three shots :D

2. It's OKAY to be not okay.

I used to beat myself up for being sad as I don't like myself when I turn into a big ball of loneliness and self-pity and insecurity. I just want to be happy and chipper all the time. But then, I realized that is not possible. As someone wisely said, "We can never appreciate the light if we haven't experienced being in the dark." All those bad vibes, they surely make the good days seem so much better when they do come. These days, when I get sad, I just try to feel it wash over me.

Remember.

3. Know that despite your heartbreak, the world revolves without you, and does not revolve around you.

Ouch. That sounds harsh, but that's the truth. I can never expect the world to wait for me while I try to pick up the pieces in the same way that I should not expect my friends to listen to me rant about my heartbreak all the time. They also have their own issues to deal with and it's selfish for me to think they will leave everything to listen to me moan. No siree. It's bad enough that I am going through this; there's no need for me to drag another person into this. I myself would not want to be around people spewing out negativity each chance they get. I am one of the most optimistic people I know and I intend to keep it that way. Ehem, guess who hosted a Pink Positive-themed birthday party last year? Yes, yours truly :D

4. Cut off all forms of communication with the Ex.

Uh, that sounds impossible as we are working in the same team in the same office, with the same break schedules and all. Also, we're seatmates. He came at the apartment last Friday for our Tranche's 3rd Anniversary mini party though as he is also my tranchemate.

Rachel Berry belts out "When you see my face, hope it gives you hell!" from the song Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects. Because nothing says angrrrry more than wishing a person hell. Anger may be a waste of time but then again, they say anger is one of the steps towards acceptance, right? What's your take on this? I personally would not want to be angry if I can avoid it. Anger can eat you up and has the power to control you and make you do things you will regret someday. At the same time, if controlled, then it can give you the boost and courage you need to tell the guy to take a hike. A little anger is healthy if you know how to use it.

6. Distract yourself.

If there is anything you would want to try but was not able to do because of - ehem - other things taking up your time, then now would be the best time to do so! As for me, I would really want to read books again. It's kinda sad that because of this Internet addiction, I totally neglected all the books I have been buying! Never again, though. Never again. I've recently started re-reading Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. Ah, I totally  missed reading for leisure!

Also, I would totally love to have a new hobby. Yesterday I woke up and just decided I need a Moleskine. Yes, even without the natural talent for drawing, I can use my future Moleskine for doodling, practicing in longhand, and journaling! There are a lot of other possibilities! One of the things I really, really enjoy is shopping, but since I would be getting myself a new phone this weekend I try my hardest to save every peso I can. Also, I shop all the time and I don't need any excuse to go shopping. If by chance, you feel like spicing things up a bit, a makeover is the best way to go! 

7. Go easy on the next guy.

One would think having three failed relationships is enough to scare me away from guys, but no. I am too much of a hopeless romantic for that. Think of me as a female Ted Mosby waiting for The One. Hey You, whoever you are, hurry up and get here so we can take a leap of faith - together. Remember Tom and Autumn?

Hopefully You are someone who can help me mesh Expectations with Reality

8. Watch out for the aftershock.

I think this would be really tough, but I have an answer for this. Again, from the movie (500) Days of Summer, Rachel really nailed it when she told her brother Tom, "Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again." That kid with that line single-handedly solved all the hang-ups I've had with my previous relationships. Hopefully  it will work its magic again this time.

9. Know that you are not alone.

Countless people have experienced heartbreak one way or another. Surely, even if you feel most alone, you really are not. Trust me. Your family is with you, your friends are with you, I am with you. This is not a losing battle so long as you have the will to continue. I assure you, things will be better in the morning. If not tomorrow, then the day after that. Or the week after. Or the month. It can take years, but you WILL get better. Remember, as what I said earlier, this too, shall pass.

10. Just live!

This morning in my favorite radio show Good Times with Mo, a girl called in to ask for advice from DJs Mo (my favorite!), Mojo Jojo and Grace Lee. Her problem is about how her boyfriend of at least a year is still seeing his ex-girlfriend, and she has reason to believe her boyfriend is cheating on her with the ex. As expected, the three DJs advised her to break up with his douche boyfriend. Mo couldn't have said it better when he said, "You're going to do it eventually, why not do it now?" You - we - know we'll eventually feel better sometime somehow, so why not feel better now?

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart.
The best we can do is breathe and reboot.
- Carrie, Sex and the City

April 2007. I just graduated from college with a degree on Mass Communication and got lots of free time in  my hands. I was still in denial (that it's time for Real World, baby) so I did not apply for any jobs yet. Instead, I managed an online shop selling clothes and accessories (which did pretty well, if I may say so). Two weeks into it, I got bored and went with my Sinister Sister Jinna to a Job Fair at St. Francis Square in Pasig City. Thursday, we fell in line for three(!) long hours, dropped off our resumés, and scheduled an interview with HSBC for the next day. Friday, we went to HSBC's office in Discovery Suites and scored a job offer before the day is through. Saturday, I went to Healthway for my pre-employment medical exam. Monday, on April 23, 2007, I started working. So now you see why I always say this job just fell on my lap?

A hundred thousand memories after...

April 2010. When we signed our contract, Jinna and I joked that we will just stay here for six months tops as we didn't really intend to work in call center. (Scratch that, I do not work in a call center, I work in a financial service provider, as we were told.) Three years on, some of our tranchemates have either left the company already or have transfered to another company and Jinna is now working for another company. As for me, I am still here. What gives? Well,  it is not the only factor, but working with the most awesome people to have as first officemates certainly helped.

To celebrate our third anniversary with the company, my tranchemates and I had a mini party in my apartment last Friday, April 23, 2010. 

We would have wanted everyone from our tranche to come but that's an impossible feat (as even some who are still working with us were not able to attend). We still had a good time though, just reminiscing about the old times, bonding over food, and playing a mean and oldie-but-goodie game of Spin the Bottle: Truth or Consequence (but everyone got Truth anyway lol). Mich brought pancit while Dane brought native kakanin. And yeah, they drank a little alcohol :D

I prepared a mini-tribute for them that contains a slideshow of our pictures through the years. This was not an easy task, man! I started with 776 photos, trimmed it down to 180, suffered setbacks and kinks, but through the help of my brother was able to burn it into a CD so we can watch it through my DVD player. They said they liked it :)

Mich's best friends Jonas and Apreal also came. All in all, it was a fun night even if not everyone was able to come. I am hoping for more bonding moments like these. I have said this before and I will say this again: they are the best people a girl fresh out of college can ever wish to have as her first officemates. 

For me, they make HSBC the Best Place to Work and together, we make HSBC the Best Place to Bank. :)

The Script

- A quote sent via SMS  that was sent to me by a friend more than a year ago

I am giving myself time to be sad. But, as Meream said, I am made of sunshine so I will be better tomorrow. Thank you all for being patient with me.

In my continuous bid to make April 2010 the best month evarrr in spite of what happened in the love department I filed for leave from work last weekend and made plans with my friends from college.

I tried to have a get together with my Sinister Sisters Recks, Minnie and Jinna since the last time us four were complete was three years ago (when we returned our dress gowns at the university after graduation) but Recks and Minnie couldn't make it. Jinna has been badgering me for quite some time to go to her side of the metro and since she went to mine the last time I saw her in November, I gave in and agreed to go to Bonifacio High Street in Taguig. You can laugh all you want but at my age of 24, I have only been there twice before. That was three years ago when we were still doing our thesis. (We did an advertising campaign for Go Nuts! Donuts and their main competitor - Krispy Kreme - just opened their first branch there.)

17 April 2010
Saturday, 2PM

Because I am a total klutz when it comes to directions, I was already expecting I would get lost. Thankfully I managed to find my way to High Street quite easily (the "getting lost" part came much later when I was already trying to go to Manila from Taguig lol) I met with Jinna and she showed me around. Of course, we also took lots of photos. Let me share some of them :)

For my international readers, the High Street is located in Bonifacio Global City in Taguig. Adjacent to Market! Market! and upscale residential condominiums, it is home to trendy restaurants, bars, clubs and shops. Different events and launches are also held there. Basically it is like a park where families can spend quality time and just enjoy. We saw lots of people walking their dogs, children on their bikes and skateboards,

We had a late lunch at Conti's and I swear, everything was so delicious! I wouldn't mind eating there everyday, but I don't think my wallet can handle it :D

We spent the rest of the day just chatting and catching up. It was sooo much fun! She is one of my best girl friends and it is always a delight talking to her. I had to leave by 7PM though because of plans with other friends from college but before we parted ways we went to The Ice Cream Bar and got frozen yogurts.

I then had to get lost again(!) go to Robinson's Place Manila to meet with Ed and our other college friends for KTV night! The last time I saw them was at our Ilocos trip and until now we're still laughing over the stories and jokes from that trip :D

We then went to Music21 in Malate for two-and-a-half hours of KTV, food and drinks. With a group of three girls and eight(!) gay guys (who are all talented in singing, I must say!) you can already expect that it will be a riot! :D

I was already tired and a bit sleepy so us three girls and Karlo went to Starbucks while the rest of the guys hit up a bar.

At 4AM we followed the guys to the bar and were relieved they were already outside. After a lot of goodbyes and a whole lot more jokes, I managed to get home at 5AM. So yeah, it was a very fun-filled day-out AND night-out!

I woke up and was excited because the optometrist from Eye-Q texted me to say my new glasses was ready for collection! Yay! They told me I should wait for seven working days so I am very happy that they were able to finish it much sooner! I was able to convince my housemate Asther and officemate Mich to come with me to the mall and I am very thankful as I really need the company these days.

I really appreciate being able to take my mind off things for a while. I may say I am okay but there are times I am not - I really am not. But I know through sheer will power, determination, prayers, and my friends, I will be okay. So, if you are planning some kind of escape, take me with you, will you? :)

To all my friends (that includes YOU who are reading this this instant): You MUST know how I appreciate all the support you are giving me at this time. I hope you won't get tired :) I LOVE YOU ALL! ♥♥ 

I started wearing glasses when I was eight years old. I know, right? Blame genetics, I know for a fact that my eyes did not turn out this way because of the number of times I sat in front of the TV and the times I read my books even when I was in the dark (yes, that's how much I was and still am, addicted to books.)

The glasses I have had are listed in this order:

I realize I really, really like pink have been a bad, bad "glasses-wearer" as I wore them for at least two years each! I bought the latest one on January 2008 and I am still using it now.

So cute! I love the price, too! Very inexpensive at only 149.75php (about 3USD)!

This is so not the topic I have meant to blog about. I have been trying to compose an altogether different post the whole day but just cannot seem to make it look more "inspired" so I just gave up for the moment and watched South Park and the newest episode of Glee and ogle at the hotness that is Casey James saved it in my drafts folder. I was clicking away in different sites when I chanced upon my Facebook friends' updates and saw this wonderful, wonderful news! And I just became one big ball of sap and cheese and wanted to share it with you!

Before that though, let me tell you a little back-story. Justin is one of my teammates in my former team before I got transfered to the morning shift and he is one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever met. He is very smart, kindhearted and levelheaded, able to spew philosophical quotes teeming with wisdom, and a very, very good singer. He was on his way to becoming a priest but went out of the seminary to further his studies in Philosophy. It was because of his studies that he worked in HSBC thus paving the way for us to meet. He was like an older brother I never had. I enjoyed talking to him not only because he always had wise things to say, but also because he is very fun to talk to. Last year, we talked for four(?) hours straight when we went to the public viewing of the remains of former President Corazon Aquino in La-Salle Greenhills. Having him around made the two hours we spent falling in line so much easier!

I believe that because he is a good person, good karma is also given to him. He is one of HSBC COE's best employees (proof was that he was chosen as one of the finalists to this year's 100 Club), but even after everything he has achieved he remains humble. It seems like he has everything going for him... except when it comes to matters of the heart. He liked one girl before but that did not end the way he wanted it to. And then towards the end of last year, something happened.

We had the same (500) Days of Summer dilemma before. (He even commented on my blog entry about it.) He liked this girl, who at the time was in a rocky relationship with another guy. The girl liked him too, and the inevitable happened when girl and guy-she-was-with broke up. However this did not mean Justin and the girl got together straightaway. The girl asked for time to be alone for a while... Justin waited, and after months, he finally got the answer he was waiting for.

This was not your ordinary "yes, you are now my boyfriend" way, too! (I am basing this story purely on the photos I saw on Justin's Facebook so it's not very detailed but I presume this was what happened :D) They went on a vacation to Davao Pearl Farm (a beautiful destination in the southern part of the Philippines which is also one of my dream destinations), and during one dinner, the girl must have whipped out this cake:

Isn't it the sweetest? I love how Justin looks so surprised (teary-eyed, even!) in the other photos :) I'm happy for you Justin, and may you have the happiness you rightfully deserve. :) Thank you for turning me into this one big ball of sap and cheese and for making me realize I can be happy for other people's love stories even when mine is not going so well. After all, I am a true hopeless romantic at heart. :)

But I refuse to look desperate so I'll just channel these feelings into focusing on being happy for Justin, into willing this ?#*% skin allergy (read previous post if you got confused) away, and in praying that my paramour - whoever he may be - heeds my call and whisk me away. :)

First of all, I would like to thank everyone who commented in my previous post. I cannot stress this enough: you are all so AMAZING. To think that you have known me for, what, six months max(?) - and not even personally at that! Relatively speaking, I am but a minor blip in your universe, but to know that you care for me enough to leave those sweet messages really warms my pink, glittering heart. ♥♥

So yeah, I am okay now :) I still get the occasional sadness, but I can say that I am okay. I agree with my good friend Ed when he said he just wants to either be perfectly happy or downright miserable than just be okay, but that word actually summarizes what I feel right now. I'm not gonna lie, I do admit I miss him. I miss the terms of endearment, the "good morning" and "good night" texts, and the instant dates, but I must say I am coping well. I bawled my eyes out that night, but managed to act perfectly normal at work the next day. I don't know, maybe it's just the realization that nothing good will come out of whining. Besides, I just turned a year older so I should act more mature. So, instead of ending that last sentence with a ! :D, I hit backspace and replaced them with a period. Because nothing says mature than a prim and proper period.

Also, if truth be told, I am actually enjoying our status as "just friends" right now. The pressure to be happy and to please have been lifted - everything's relaxed, and I am cool with that. As illustrated by an episode of the current season of How I Met Your Mother, "it's not about two people breaking up; it's two friends getting back together."

Okay. I promise I won't flood you with these emo-stuff anymore. At least not for the next few paragraphs :D

Because now, I am going to talk about this ?#*% skin allergy! 

During my Ilocos trip, I suddenly got these itchy rashes on my arms. I ignored them and dismissed them as mere insect bites (for some reason I smell really yummy to them and they always bite me). But then the rashes grew really itchy and multiplied like crazy that my officemates even thought I've been affected with measles! My lips were not spared! I got Angelina Joliesque lips which I thought was awesome and sexy if only they did not hurt and chap like crazy! I was super scared so I went to the doctor who after lab tests diagnosed I had a fungal infection. He prescribed (very expensive) medicines and sent  me home. The rashes disappeared since then but made a comeback on my birthday! You may remember that my whole family and I went swimming that day. Well, before the day was through my arms and legs were covered with rashes, much itchier and more painful! I didn't want to take chances this time so I consulted a dermatologist. She asked lots of questions and I remembered the common denominator: Nivea Sun SPF30! After checking my rashes again, she said I am allergic to the sunblock's active ingredients and then proceeded to prescribe (more expensive!) medicines, soap, lotion and moisturizer. Yeah, it is expensive but I guess since this is my skin we're talking about then I wouldn't really want to scrimp. Also, I am not allowed to eat different foods, at least until the rashes have all cleared up. I miss chicken and mangoes :( Also, I miss wearing my dresses. Jeans in this heat? Come on! Also, this ?#*% skin allergy ruined my summer (a bit) because now, I am not allowed to go swimming (most especially in swimming pools). So yeah, I wasn't able to go with my high school bestfriends last Sunday and my beach trip for April's last weekend has been cancelled :( ?#*% skin allergy! Also, the rashes have somehow cleared up now, but my skin has become super dry and has been peeling like crazy. You would think that the moisturizer would help seeing as how I spent top money on it. I look like a snake shedding its old skin :( Good thing my arms and legs are the only areas affected. God knows what I would have done if it also happened to my face! ?#*% skin allergy! 

Uhh, of course that's not the best thing about having my own apartment! :D

Anyway, renting my own place might end abruptly for me if I don't find a housemate or a new apartment before May 13! My housemate Asther has decided to *sniffsniff* leave me and live instead with his brother who will be staying in Manila as well to study. For some reason they don't want me to live with them :( So yeah, I need a new housemate who can help me split the rent, or find a place with lower rent where I can live (gasp!) alone... Not sure if that is a good idea though as I might go crazy! Aside from the fact I don't know anything about preparing a meal for myself that does not involve fastfood delivery hotline numbers or frying, I also get terribly lonely without anyone to talk to. I guess I'd better stock up on DVDs. But before that I need to buy a new TV :( I really hope someone can just be my housemate (come on Belle, decide already! :D) as packing and moving will be really tough! I've got less than a month to sort everything out so I have to focus. You may suggest that I just go back to my parents' house. Well, that is an option, however I just don't want to waste a good three hours each day (not to mention the 200php transportation fare) I would need to allot if I would be going to and from work to my parents' house.

So, pray for me?

PS: Looking like a snake shedding its old skin - reason why photos in this post were all lifted from Tumblr and xkcd.

It was a long time coming, with both of us seeming to elude this dark cloud over us. Whilst it did not end the way I wanted it to, I can say I am still glad we had this talk.

Now I feel very much like Tom Hansen of (500) Days of Summer. I'm Tom, you're Summer. I should have taken it as a sign when you didn't want to watch it even after I exclaimed my high praises for the movie. We even had a little fight over it, remember? But I was blind. I was blind to a lot of things. I guess we're all like that when we fall in love. We forget all reason; rational thought ceases to exist.

I must say though that you really made me happy. There are a lot of things I am thankful for, and I want to enumerate some of them here. Thank you for the Choco Cherry Torte cake we shared today, now my birthday is already complete. Thank you for buying that Kikomachine Komix number 5 for me after I've looked high and low for it. Thank you for that Owl City CD. Thank you for the Wizard plushies. Thank you for Kriket the starfish plushie. Thank you for replacing one of my bichir fishes with a new one when the one I named Aziraphale jumped out of the aquarium and died. Thank you for the white bag. Thank you for buying choco chip cookies for me every breaktime. Aside from the material things though, it's the special moments we had together that I would really hold dear. Thank you for that special date in Manila Ocean Park. Thank you for coming with me and my family to Enchanted Kingdom. Thank you for coming with me when I bought my netbook, my digicam, and my DVD player. Thank you for the memories of the David Cook/ Archuleta concert. Thank you for the gazillion text messages. Thank you for the lunchtime walks and chocolate ice cream cones. Thank you for the movies and for the DVD afternoons. Thank you for the hugs, thank you for the kisses. I really loved you and I am happy that you loved me too.

No one is closing any doors, as you said. I don't know if that's just twisted words meant to console me or not. You said that you need to be alone for now, and I respect that. I would not want to force or impose myself on anyone, as I've always told you. What I want: I want to want someone who wants me.. Someone who will let go of all inhibitions, someone who would be willing to face all fears and just want to be with me, someone who will be proud to have me, someone who knows it will be hard, but it will be okay because we will be together. At this moment - and thank you for admitting it - you can't be that someone. I hope someday, if not for me, you will be that someone for somebody else. And I hope when that time comes, I will be happy for you. I must say that this is one of the bravest things I have done. I guess I just have to get strength from the knowledge that someday, all of this will make sense.

Now let me crawl under my pillows and cry my heartbreak away so I can face you in the office tomorrow with my bright, unaffected smile.

I woke up to a delicious breakfast of my favorite Filipino kakanin like puto, kutsinta and ube. I'm not that good at taking food photos though and they all came out not that appetizing so I just won't post them here :D It has been planned weeks before that my whole family will go swimming in my birthday. My Mama and Papa woke up extra early to go to the market and buy ingredients for a family barbecue we will have later in the day.

We left the house at around 9am and arrived at Dad's Water Paradise in Malabon City before 10am. I left my camera's charger at my apartment (boo!) so I only got to to take a few photos. Let me share some of them here :)

As I said in my birthday post, I wanted to swim this sweltering summer heat away, so swim I did! :D We were there until 5pm. When we got home, my Papa ordered pancit miki-bihon. Delicioso!

It was a fun, fun day with people I love the most. Times like these are rare, especially now that I am staying in my own apartment already, so I really appreciate that we get to do this.

The celebration was not over, today we had a spaghetti party :)

I am just frustrated that I haven't had cake yet. As per Manju, a birthday is no birthday unless there's cake.

Tomorrow (in as much as I want to stay home and just laze around) I go back to work. I hope I can get to have cake (and ice cream!) ♥♥