A love story that was

"Funny that one moment, both of you were inseparable and now, both of you are just two people trying to forget each other."

From 2004 to 2008, I was in a long-term relationship with a guy who cannot be more perfect. His name is Athan, and he is my first serious boyfriend. I have nothing but kind words about him; he was a perfect gentleman, was super nice, funny, religious, comes from a good family who he adores above all, respectful towards my family, and most importantly, he loves (loved) me.

I guess we were what you can call the almost ideal couple. We began and ended our days with "I love you" texts, we celebrated monthsaries and just because anniversaries, we wrote each other letters and mini notes all the times, events and occasions are peppered with flowers and gifts, weekends were spent watching movies or spending time with our respective families at each other's houses, strolls at the mall (or wherever, for that matter) were filled with subtle PDA like holding hands, our term of endearment for each other was Hunnie, and even when we were fighting we still kept holding hands and calling each other Hun. The dog in the photo is actually a bolster pillow we called Mushie. I used to hug her every night when I go to sleep. Athan was very dedicated and I felt really loved; I remember feeling so blissfully warm and giddy when I saw his room filled with framed photos of me and of us together. He was very faithful, too. Not once did he cheat on me. And for what it's worth, I can say I was a pretty awesome girlfriend for him, too. We were together for almost four years, and those 41 months together were some of the best months of my life.

So what happened?

I really don't know.

One of the hurdles we had was the physical distance. You see, I lived in Navotas while he's from Antipolo. That's a good two and a half hours away. We also were from two different universities, albeit both in Manila. Just the same, the demands of school works and extra-curricular activities did not give us the luxury to see each other as often as we'd like. We made the effort to see each other as much as we can though, plus we also had weekends free for each other. Technology also made it much easier for us to keep in touch; my old YM archives, Multiply site and old Friendster account were filled with messages to and from him. We acknowledged the problem and worked to bridge the gap and make our relationship work.

But then, issues started to arise when I started working. I am older than him by a year so by the time I started working, he was on his Senior year. My schedule was erratic and there were months I had to work graveyard shifts, meaning I was awake by the time he's sleeping and vice versa. We rarely saw each other, and the differences in our schedules and his school works made it more difficult for us to communicate. Needless to say, our relationship suffered. We started fighting, and would not talk for days. That hurt me because before we cannot end a day without reconciling. It carried on for months but I guess we were just too scared to confront the problem.

It also did not help that I started to become really close with Dane.

Until on Valentine's Day 2008, we went through the whole day without even greeting each other. I missed him but I guess I was too proud to admit defeat.

We broke up the next day.

I guess I just fell out of love... And it's weird. Really, it's the weirdest feeling ever. How can you love a person so much and then not feel anything at all the next day?

On my birthday he went to our house and surprised me, but I was so confused and was not the best hostess. He asked me back, but I declined. I felt so guilty and I wished I can make him happy by agreeing, but I just wanted to be fair to the both of us.

He did not speak to me for months after that. I kept on apologizing but did not get any response. That's understandable, seeing as how I hurt him. But time heals all wounds, as what they say. Now, we are back to being friends - or at least we are civil towards each other again. He now has a girlfriend, and she does not like him communicating with me. The last time we saw each other was August 2008 when he asked me to watch a movie with him. It was awkward sure, but nice. He texts me now, and I hope he won't get upset if he reads this by chance. Now I read the letters he sent me and browse our pictures together, but I don't feel anything. It's like everything just fizzled.

Whatever happened to us, I am glad to have met him and to have loved and been loved by him. I am really sorry that things did not work out... I'd like to thank him for the memories and I - without any hint of sarcasm or bitterness - honestly and sincerely wish him all the best.

I still hug Mushie whenever I sleep here in my room in my parents' house, but that's just because I cannot sleep without hugging a pillow.