A bit beaten by birthday blues. A bit heartbroken, too.

It feels so long since my last post. Our trip to Ilocos feels like ages ago. So much - yet so little - has happened in a week and I felt like I needed time to let everything sink in before I can write about them.

First, one of my mentors emailed me about an opportunity of a lifetime. You may know that one of the main reasons why I am staying with my current job is because I cannot seem to leave my officemates. But while I was in my two weeks-long vacation, I realized that I did not miss my job, not one bit. I mean, that surely is a sign that things aren't going so great, right? I missed my officemates of course, but then again, time will come that we would have to go our separate ways. We will not be teammates forever and the sooner I learn to deal with that fact, the better. Back to the email, it contains something I absolutely cannot refuse - or let go just like that. I sent in my application and waited, but nothing came. I do acknowledge the fact that they needed someone urgently as the post needed to be filled by March 31. Perhaps I was already too late and they have already found someone to hire for the job. Nonetheless I still felt sad as I thought that was already my chance to work for my dream company. Now I would have to stick with my current job and cross my fingers for another opportunity to come. 

Speaking of my current job, something really seems to be wrong with my pay. I ranted here about how I got waaaay less than expected. Because of the glitch in our attendance system linked with payroll, 48 hours' worth of pay were deducted from my salary and I got only half of what I should have gotten. Everything was rectified on the next cutoff and I received what was missing. (It was a blessing in disguise too, as I got extra cash for my Ilocos trip woohoo!) Today was another payday and our salaries credited our accounts last night. I slept early and only got to check it this morning via my Internet Banking. It was only 6:30am when I did and I was still half-asleep but when I saw it I was like WTF where did the extra cash come from?? It looks like they paid me what was missing again! I decided to just wait for the payslip. Around lunchtime Dane and I were texting and we wondered where that extra money was from since I was only expecting a couple thousand pesos bonus. I dismissed it and said my mind must have been still sleeping when I checked it earlier so I should go ahead and check again. I did and again I was like WTF where did the extra cash come from?? My salary's really moody these days. It's either they paid me what was missing again, or another person's bonus credited my account. I should wait for my payslip and if there are any discrepancies I will report it. Because I am good and kind and selfless like that. 0:)

Let's go back to more serious stuff, shall we? Last week, Dane and I kinda decided to take a breather. That's euphemism for a break up. But it's not really a break up since we're not really a couple in the first place so let's just call it a "break up". Hmmm, let's just say that we have different ways of demonstrating love. To quote Ana, "It is like saying that everyone is prone to hurt another, if he/ she stays too close... intended or not. And love is either to stay close even with the pain, or to hide/ run away so as not to make any more harm." Kinda weird analogy since in her post she was talking about Edward Scissorhands, but I hope you get my point. I have spent idle hours of the past week crying into my Wizard plushies, trying to make sense of it all. It seems confusing sometimes, as we are still seatmates at the office, we still have ice cream as we were accustomed to, and he is still acting sweet towards me. Granted that yes, he doesn't call me Sweet anymore and our times together have been lessened, but we still do gravitate towards each other. I don't know whether time will come that I will stop missing what we were, but I guess I just have to trust him when he said that someday, all of these will make sense.

I am feeling extra sad these days, not only because of these two things. Maybe it's just the birthday blues. Hey, did I mention that it's exactly a week before my birthday? My birthday's on April 6, and I don't know whether I am excited or not. Last year I had a Pink Positive-themed party but I have no idea what to do for this year. Do you know what I would really, really, really like? I really, really, really want a surprise birthday party! I have already hinted at asked several people but I know they won't plan one for me. I am the one who does these things for other people and I guess I should just not expect. Anyway, it wouldn't be a surprise party anymore as I have already mentioned it several times - it would seem like I planned my own surprise party :D

I hope I did not make you sad. I don't want to feel sadder than what I am feeling right now. Who's game for ice cream?  If it's not too much to ask, take a photo of yourself eating ice cream for me, will you? It'll be like a big ice cream toast! (I would propose a real toast involving wine or champagne but I don't drink lols.)

*Photo is of me showing some feet-love, taking my first steps at the old streets of Vigan :)